However, I am not sure what that number is. I think it's around 130lbs but I won't know till I see how I look and feel as the weight comes off. I want to be strong. I am actually pretty strong now, I just know there are some awesome muscles hidden under my fat.
I am hoping that by blogging about my progress, (I mean HONESTLY blogging ), sharing my progress, my successses, my failures will hopefully help me keep everything in perspective. I don't want to forget where I began and think I am not changing. I want to log my food and my exercises so I can see what is working and what is not.
I need to be honest with myself. How much do I really eat? Why do I eat that much? How much do I really weigh? Why am I afriad to tell anyone my weight?
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| 120 pounds, 2003 |
Weight gain has been a scary issue for me since I was a pre-teen. I see my relatives that struggle with their weight and I even accepted the fact that one day I would be obese because most of my family is. I would think, at least I'm not big yet. I think that mindset is why I wasn't too worried when I gained the "freshmen 15" after highschool.
At 20 I was still only 135 - 140lbs. Being 5'7" that wasn't too much weight. I did not feel as comfortable about myself, but my man didn't seem to mind, so it was ok to gain a little weight. BUT then the pounds kept adding on.
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| 150 pounds, August 2007 |
Pic: Day before my daughter was bord. Dec. 18, 2010 180 lbs.
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| 180 pounds Dec. 18, 2010 Day before my daughter was born |
When she was 4months old and I was 27 I had dropped back to 160. Almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight. A year later when I stopped brestfeeding I was 140 pounds and very happy with my body. I didn't have to exercise much and I ate plenty. Six months after I stopped breastfeeding my clothes got tighter, my energy dropped and I stepped on the scale. 155lbs! I had gained 15 lbs in 6 months.
I tried working out at home and did well, then not so well off and on for awhile. Then I joined a gym and loved it. I went 3 days a week and I used MyFitnessPal to track my food. I ate 1700 calories a day. After four months I was 142 lbs. I went to the beach with confidence and energy.
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| 142 pounds August 2012 |
Then I started teaching at a new school. The change took most of my free time and I stopped going to the gym. I gained weight back, I lost some, I gained some. Up and Down Up and Down. Over and Over again. In Jan. 2015 the school where I work did a little fitness challenge and I was thrilled to sign up. I weighed 163 lbs on Jan 3. 2015.
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| 163 pounds, Nov. 1, 2014 |
I worked out and ate healthier for about 3 weeks. Then I would slip up, and stop exercising for one excuse or another. However I did lose some weight. Today, June 18, 2015 I weigh 155lbs. I don't feel good about that.
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| 157 pounds, May 2015 (excuse the tired little girl) |
I am mad at myself for not being consistent with the healthy lifestyle I began in Jan. If I had stuck with it I could be closer to my goal. Right now I am going to forgive myself. I can't dwell on the past. What is done is done and now all I have to do is learn from it.
With this blog I accept that being fit does not have a finish line. It is a Never Ending Fitness Story. I will exercise my body in some way everyday for the rest of my life. I want it to be a long, happy life and to do that I need to be strong. I am the only one who can do this for myself.
Sharing my weight on here is the first step to being honest with myself. Now all I have to do is think about the moment I am in. Not the past, not the future, but right now and decide what to do with it.
I know I am not BIG. I want muscles that show! I want to see my abs and for my legs to be defined. I want to sit in my car in shorts and not hate the way my thighs look spreading out across the seat. I want to share pictures on Facebook without worrying about how big I look. (Some angles are not forgiving). I want this for me. My husband swears I look the same as I did in 2001 when we started dating (he's insane). It's not for him. It's not for anyone but myself. I want confidence. I want to know I can do this. I can do anything I set my mind to!
